Lately, I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking…
A lot has happened in life over the last few years. We’ve all been through so much.
A year ago, my divorce was final. Not something I ever thought I would say as a 47-year-old dad.
I had spent several months prior thinking I was the absolute worst person. I felt selfish for wanting a better life for myself and my son.
What kind of dad walks out on his family to pursue a better life for himself?
This took a major toll on my mental health. I was beating myself up. I was confused, angry, frustrated, depressed, and just flat-out disappointed in myself.
The crazy thing is, outside of all this, I have a great family, great friends, and a career. It all suffered…
One of my biggest issues is that I shut people out when I’m depressed. I never wanted to burden my family or friends.
This is my issue to deal with.
What I didn’t understand was that talking with people really does help. Asking a family member or friend for some time to talk can be a huge step toward healing.
At 47, I grew up in an era where asking how we’re feeling or what’s on our minds wasn’t exactly normalized. It was always, “Rub some dirt on it” or “Walk it off.”
I don’t remember ever learning how to deal with those feelings. I only knew how to push through them. Keep going. Lock those feelings away and move on.
“Be a man.”
But I didn’t know what to do when “keep going, keep pushing forward” stopped working.
So I started doing some research of my own. I didn’t want to feel the way I felt anymore. I can’t tell you the amount of research I did, the videos I watched, and the articles I read.
I realized I definitely wasn’t the only one.
However, the issue I found was that much of what I was finding didn’t really speak to me. I found it hard to relate.
Where was the conversation for guys like me, in a similar situation?
Was I really alone in this?
That’s a tough pill to swallow when you’re already feeling alone and self-isolating.
There is more to this story. There is more to this journey.
I’m writing this in hopes that I’m able to reach even one person who may have gone through, or is currently going through, some of the same struggles.
Am I in The Middle Miles?
There were some great moments in the beginning. Somewhere along the way, though, the race started to unravel a bit.
Was I too energetic and started the race too strong?
Hell, maybe I just didn’t stretch properly.
Is this the part of the journey where I’m just waiting to see how the race ends?
Maybe I am…
Maybe I’m somewhere in the middle, just trying to figure out how I’m going to get through this race.
As I sit here searching for answers, I’ve come to realize that The Middle Miles are where we need to focus the most.
My journey is far from over. I haven’t figured everything out yet. I’m still discovering myself. I’m still learning how to be a better man, father, brother, son, and friend.
The middle is where we get tired. Not everything in the first part of the race went exactly as planned.
So what if we slow down?
Life doesn’t always have to be a choice between quitting and pushing harder.
Maybe we stop at the aid station for a while. Maybe our friends and family are there to help energize us. Maybe we give ourselves a chance to catch our breath before continuing on.
Then we keep moving.
I want to see how this journey ends.
It’s time to focus on running the rest of this race the best way I know how.
Life is all about choices.
I’m choosing to finish.
